Candy & Balboa
I'm gonna save you the when-we-last-left-our-heroes speel, because if you linked here from a page other than part one of this article, you're probably lost. Away we go!
Your adventure through the graveyard pits you against such enemies as zombies, flying pumpkin-head ghosts, bats, and blue zombies. I think this level is supposed to be more difficult than it is, because there are several zombies who are trying to get out of their coffins to kill you, but have become stuck. Poor bastards.
After a realtively short trollop through the tombstones, you come upon a an open crypt. Most logical people would not go in, but Pocky and Rocky have some ass to kick, so in they go. Oh wait, I forgot to mention, when you get to the door it slams right in your fucking face. Then some ghostly guy appears and congratualtes you for finding him. After you beat the unliving hell out of him for breaking your nose, you enter the crypt. Inside you'll find lots of bats, some slimes, and a genie. Why is there a genie in a crypt? Who knows. He probably got kicked out of the society for being a total douche-bag. He pops out of a jar, float either horizontally or vertically to another jar, shooting magic at you when you're both on the same line. Seeing as our heroes have the added advantage of being able to attack diagonally, this idiot is a joke. When you exit the crypt, a cliff-like area awaits you, with sliding walls that threaten to both crush you and drop you into bottomless pits at the same time. At this point I could be asking questions like, 'Why is there a back door to a crypt?' or 'How can a mountainous region that is perpetually afflicted by earthquakes be so close to a calm, low-lying cemetary?' Fortunately I know better than to question video game geography. After successfully dodging stone skulls and shifting cliffs, you meet the third boss.
Yes, it's the same asshole you met outside the crypt, with the exact same attacks. The only difference is, he flies around the screen more, and sometimes leaves the screen entirely. This actually makes it easier to kill him. When he fires his ice beam, he is stunned for few seconds, and as he only fires the ice downward, if you happen to be above him, you can absolutely open up on him. Anyway, his three attacks are pretty basic. He'll either spin some blades in his hands and then throw them at you, encircle himself with fire and shoot it at you, or fire a beam of ice. The only one that's even remotely difficult to dodge is the blades, because they follow you. Other than that, nothing real fancy required. The storyline between level three and level four shows Pocky and Rocky running through an underground tunnel, talking about how the Gorgonzola goblins are responsible for the Nopino's behaviour, and how they have to go to the Gorgonzola fortress to put an end to it. It neglects to say how the duo found this out, they just seem to know it. Makes me think that Pocky had something to do with it all along. Maybe she was hitting a midlife crisis and wanted to prove to herself that she still had the capability to kick some goblin ass. Maybe its just bad plot progression. I choose the former. My suspicions are furthered when the heroes exit the tunnel. They see a bad ass flying ship, and a floating castle that Pocky identifies as the Gorgonzola fortress. I smell a rat.
You may think that because level three was longer than level two and level two was longer than level one, that level four would be the longest level yet. You would be wrong. It's pretty damn short. Ergo, there's not much to say about the level. You fight your way through some rope bridges, dodge some falling stone skulls, and before FEMA can arrive, you're on the airship. Beat the shit out a few pirates and boss number four awaits you.
The boss of a bunch of pirates is obviously a bad ass pirate right? Well, not quite. The boss of a boring level, is a boring boss. Storm Eagle's little known cousin isn't very exciting, but can be a pain in the ass. His first attack isn't too difficult. Just shoot, swat away his feathers, repeat. When he leaves the screen and dives at you, that's not so fun. It's damn near impossible to dodge. I vote this bastard as the worst boss in the game. Needless to say, I was happy to be done with him. After a delicious Thankgiving dinner, our heroes hijack the ship and fly to the fortress. The animation shows the fortress approaching the ship incredibly fast, then coming to an abrupt stop. Our heroes are thrown into the front gate, blink twice, and then Porky Pig says 'A-bli, a-bli, a-bli, that's all folks!' While that would be funny, the laws of inertia don't apply in this world. Damn it.
Black Mantle sees you entering the fortress with his crystal ball and says that the fortress will be your grave. Are Pocky and Rocky gonna put up with that shit? Hell no! Well, if they had heard Mantle say it, maybe. Level five takes you through an evil prison where Nopino goblins are being held captive, and people throw knives at you. Then the prison becomes a lab, where Thing from the Adams family tries to kill you. I never trusted that disembodied hand. There's also a gauntlet you have to run, where spiky balls roll down the screen. I would have shown you this, but I forgot to get a screen capture, and well, I just don't care that much.
Boss five is a vampire. I normally hate cliches, but this guy redeems himself by firing an insane amount of Count Chocula Marshmallows at you. Then he turns into a bat and has bats fly around him like a shield. Did I mention that the floor is electrified and tries to fry you as well? I wanted to end this quickly, so I just lit off a couple bombs and finished him off quickly. On to the last level!
Level six takes place in a single corridor, and its hard as hell. There are only a handful of different enemies, but as the level progresses, they come at you in droves. It's not that long, so there's not much to say. At the end of the hallway, you meet a boss.
The sixth boss isn't terribly challenging, but he can be tricky. He has three attacks, lightning, fireballs, and a shadow sword. The first and last aren't hard to dodge, but if you try and dive to avoid the fireballs, they shift direction at the same speed and use the short recovery time to smoke you. To dodge them, you actually have to just walk away from them. Once you reduce this thing to a pile of scrap metal, the final battle awaits.
The howling wind stops, and the cloud cover breaks, giving an eerie illumination as moonlight spills across the gravestones. Okay, so that doesn't happen. You're still screwed though. Good old BM does a good job of proving why he deserves to be the last boss. He has three attacks, all of which are very unpleasant, and two gargoyles that shoot four-fireball spreads at you. Dealing with Black Mantle alone is a task in itself, so you be wantin' to dispose of the statues fast. If you're playing as Pocky, I suggest you stand below one of them, light off a bomb, then shoot until sparks start to fly. Repeat for the second. If you manage to survive that, then you get to deal with the man in black. For his first trick, Mantle will shoot two blue beams out to the side. When they hit the wall, not only do they bounce, but they shoot out two red fireball apiece. So if you know how to do basic math, you know that that's six searing pockets of pain. (I love alliteration). His second attack isn't really an attack. He shoots out pieces of his mantle to ensnare you. Unlike most other things in the game that grab you, you can't just swing your stick and break free. You just have to sit there and wait for his third attack to hit you, and it's gonna hurt. The only upside to his final attack, a massive lightning bolt, is that it only hits where the yellow balls are. You can dive under the arc without suffering damage. That being said, the end of the arc follows you really fucking fast. You actually have to dive in a rhombus pattern to survive it unscathed. If you dive straight up one of the sides, you're likely to get caught by the small outcropping of Black Mantle's stage. Once you've defeated the evil Black Mantle, the Gorgonzola goblins are freed from his mind control, and everyone goes home and lives happily ever after. Now, don't think I'm being quick with the ending, that's really all that happens. Oh, and the 'sun sets as if nothing had happened'. Asshole sun.
Posted by: Valdronius
20/10/05
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