You Can't Spell Macy's Day Terrorism Without M&M
It seems that M is not only the last letter, but also the last word in terrorism. This tragic fact became apparent on November 24th, 2005, when the M&M's float at the Macy's Day Parade in New York toppled a streetlight onto unsuspecting parade-goers. An 11 year old girl was taken to hospital and treated for scrapes and bruises, while her 26 year old sister who was in a wheelchair, received stitches for a laceration to the back of her head. Truly Darth Vader has convinced the red and yellow duo to join the dark side. Only a being as evil as a Sith Lord could conceivably mar the sanctity of Thanksgiving by launching an outright assault on the Parade.
This isn't the first time, however, that the Macy's Day parade has been struck by tragedy. Eight years ago, Dr. Seuss' Cat in the Hat, pulled a similar stunt, sending a streetlight pole crashing to the ground. Two people were injured in this incident as well, though much more seriously. One of the victims suffered four broken fingers and a brain injury, while the other had her skull fractured and was in a coma for a month. It is my belief that the unshakable aura of evil this created around the Cat in the Hat was the reason for the poor box office performance of the 2003 motion picture.
Even though you may only see news coverage of the terrorist attacks on large-scale parades, in reality, no parade is safe. Only recently, in a local parade, terror made its presence known. Every year, the Shriners make an appearance at several parades, driving around in miniature cars, not unlike go-carts. This year one of the cars stalled, and would not start again. The driver got out to inspect the engine in the rear of the vehicle, and as he did so, the car came back to life. It drove, unmanned, into the crowd of on-lookers, striking a woman in the legs, causing her to fall into the vehicle. Worst of all, the woman was holding a child, though the child was uninjured.
What are we to do in today's society? A society where not even mass public gatherings are safe. If evil can infiltrate even our beloved children's book characters and our candy-coated mascots, what can be safe? Nothing, that's what. So lock your doors! Hide in your basements! And whatever you do, don't stand near elevated objects if giant inflatable cartoons are nearby.